2012 in (distorted) perspective and looking ahead to 2013

Ahoy Internet

It’s been far too long since I checked in. I’ll just blame the holidays and the copious amounts of nog. FYI Copious Nog is my Foo Fighters cover band. That’s a joke that never gets old.

So what were the highlights of 2012?

1. We did not all die in a fiery,  disease ridden, zombie filled, Aerosmith crooned, Armageddon  So that’s nice.

2. My daughter continued on her journey of self discovery. Thus far eating books is fun.

3. The Newsroom premiered giving both Aaron Sorkin and Jeff Daniels another chance to shine and be awesome. Both of which they do magnificently.

4. I started working in the produce department making Fruit Ninja a particularly cathartic experience.

5. Something about a president, an election and I think shrimp.

6. The kids on Glee graduated. And some other stuff happened.

So what does 2013 hold for us? Here are my predictions.

1. Bigfoot, Yetis and chupacabras will all be proven real and in some of the most confusing three-way relationships ever. It might be love-making, it might be fist-fighting.  Who knows!

2. Adele and Coldplay will collaborate on an Alt-moody love song. It will go octoplatinum and be used to sell everything from chewing gum to tampons.

3. The Real Housewives of Stepford will premiere.

4. Benedict Cumberbatch will continue his trend of being all that is awesome. Will get shafted when People Magazine names it’s sexiest man of the year.

5. The Xbox 1080 will release. New features include burning images directly onto your corneas, sandwich making, and kidney punching your enemies when you pwn them.

6. North Korea will continue to be a dick.

7. Global warming will be proven, disproved, reproved, debunked, definitively proved, and called poppycock.

8. The Superbowl will happen. I won’t care.

9. The Batman franchise will reboot once again swinging this time towards ultra campy. Look forward to buying your very own Batcodpiece.

10. Three new versions of the iPhone will be released. None will let Siri talk dirty to you.

These are my predictions. What are yours?