The State Sex Move Game

I once made a joke that putting a state in front of any word or phrase will more often than not make it sound like a dirty, dirty sex move. Inspired by this (and when I say inspired I mean bored and out of new episodes of The Newsroom.) I decided to flesh out a list and see if I could nail all fifty states. I also got to work in a state bird joke for bonus points. And Fyi “flesh out” and “nail” were both said while thinking of Maryland. Enjoy.

  1. The Alabama Slammer
  2.  The Alaskan Snow Blower
  3. The Arizona Self Help Desk
  4. The Arkansas Ball Peen Hammer
  5. The California Grape Stomp
  6. The Colorado Mountain Ranger
  7. The Connecticut Cigar Cutter
  8. The Delaware Inkpot
  9. The Florida Orange Push Pop
  10. The Georgia Peach Cobbler
  11. The Hawaii Beach Comber
  12. The Idaho Spud Masher
  13. The Illinois Eggbeater
  14. The Indiana Knife Sheath
  15. The Iowa Corn Husk
  16. The Kansas Can Opener
  17. The Kentucky Steam Rollar
  18. The Louisiana Purchase
  19. The Maine Oyster Shucker
  20. The Maryland Merry-Go-Round
  21. The Massachusetts Law School
  22. The Michigan Rider’s Glove
  23. The Minnesota Tourniquet
  24. The Mississippi River
  25. The Missouri All Night Diner
  26. The Montana Ranch Hand
  27. The Nebraska Prairie Dog
  28.  The Nevada Slot Machine
  29. The New Hampshire Bed and Breakfast
  30. The New Jersey Turnpike
  31. The New Mexico White Water Rafting
  32. The New York Sushi Bar
  33. The North Carolina Snausage
  34. The North Dakota Road Plow
  35. The Oklahoma Scissor Tailed Flycatcher
  36. The Ohio Nutter Butter
  37. The Oregon Trail
  38. The Pennsylvania Vanilla Custard
  39. The Rhode Island Clam Bake
  40. The South Carolina Melon Baller
  41. The South Dakota Moustache Trimmer
  42. The Tennessee Mud Flap
  43. The Texas T-Bone
  44. The Utah Whitewash
  45. The Vermont Syrup Tap
  46.  The Virginia Vacuum Hose
  47. The Washington Monument
  48. The West Virginia Coal Miner
  49. The Wisconsin Whisky Sour
  50. The Wyoming Wall Spackle

PS: If any of these are in fact actual sex moves they’re more then likely illegal in the state that hosts it so attempt at your own risk.

Awesome Thing #1

For my blog I want to write and highlight things that I like and enjoy. One of the thing I’m debuting is a new feature called “Awesome thing of the undefined time period until my next awesome thing.” Not only does it roll off the tongue in a fantastic fashion but it means that I can do it whenever the mood strikes me. And isn’t that the true purpose of blogging.

For this Awesome Thing of the undefined time period until my next Awesome Thing I want to talk about something near and dear to my heart, pie. Now we’re talking about the dessert or possibly breakfast if you have leftovers, not the mathematical concept. One of the things I like to ask people before I decide if we can truly be friends is how far they would be willing to drive (one way) in any direction for the world’s best pie. Those that answer that they don’t like pie shall be shunned. Shunned I Say! Personally I would drive three states in any direction. Since I live in Colorado cutting across the four corners counts as a freebie. So why is pie Awesome? Besides being a fantastic litmus test for friendship, the more buttery and flaky it gets the better it is. And you can literally put anything into it (as Sweeny Todd so eloquently showed us) and it’ll more than likely be delicious. So raise a glass of milk dear readers and choose your favorite flavor. Personally I’m getting the cherry.

PS: Picture of homemade pie forth coming for salavation purposes.