My top ten Game of Thrones predictions

1. Jon Snow is trapped in a box with a cat and a vial of poison. Shit about to get real.

2. Ramsay Bolton Snow will get what’s coming to him. He will loose a good chunk of taste buds on a particularly scalding batch of Sizzlin’ Shrimp in an episode that will be referred to as Pink Hibachi.

3. Tyrion and Daenerys will settle all disputes with a dance off. Personally I will be shouting at my TV “Go Dinklage, Go Dinklage, Go!”

4. Arya will give up her quest for vengeance and open a nice chain of resturants. The Hounds All You Can Eat Fried Chicken

5. Bran will become and Animorph. First the White Walkers. Then The Yeerks.

6. Jamie will find a way to magically re grow his hand. Sadly it will backfire. Hands Everywhere.

7. Cersai will continue to be a bitch. To everyone.

8. Sansa will realize that she is a strong independent woman who don’t need no man. She will write a tell-all book and make millions

9. The ghosts of Ned Stark And Tywain will start heckling everyone from the afterlife much like the old men from the Muppets.

10. Rickett will become King. It will be incredibly short lived.

Those are my predictions. What do you see happening?

 

The State Sex Move Game

I once made a joke that putting a state in front of any word or phrase will more often than not make it sound like a dirty, dirty sex move. Inspired by this (and when I say inspired I mean bored and out of new episodes of The Newsroom.) I decided to flesh out a list and see if I could nail all fifty states. I also got to work in a state bird joke for bonus points. And Fyi “flesh out” and “nail” were both said while thinking of Maryland. Enjoy.

  1. The Alabama Slammer
  2.  The Alaskan Snow Blower
  3. The Arizona Self Help Desk
  4. The Arkansas Ball Peen Hammer
  5. The California Grape Stomp
  6. The Colorado Mountain Ranger
  7. The Connecticut Cigar Cutter
  8. The Delaware Inkpot
  9. The Florida Orange Push Pop
  10. The Georgia Peach Cobbler
  11. The Hawaii Beach Comber
  12. The Idaho Spud Masher
  13. The Illinois Eggbeater
  14. The Indiana Knife Sheath
  15. The Iowa Corn Husk
  16. The Kansas Can Opener
  17. The Kentucky Steam Rollar
  18. The Louisiana Purchase
  19. The Maine Oyster Shucker
  20. The Maryland Merry-Go-Round
  21. The Massachusetts Law School
  22. The Michigan Rider’s Glove
  23. The Minnesota Tourniquet
  24. The Mississippi River
  25. The Missouri All Night Diner
  26. The Montana Ranch Hand
  27. The Nebraska Prairie Dog
  28.  The Nevada Slot Machine
  29. The New Hampshire Bed and Breakfast
  30. The New Jersey Turnpike
  31. The New Mexico White Water Rafting
  32. The New York Sushi Bar
  33. The North Carolina Snausage
  34. The North Dakota Road Plow
  35. The Oklahoma Scissor Tailed Flycatcher
  36. The Ohio Nutter Butter
  37. The Oregon Trail
  38. The Pennsylvania Vanilla Custard
  39. The Rhode Island Clam Bake
  40. The South Carolina Melon Baller
  41. The South Dakota Moustache Trimmer
  42. The Tennessee Mud Flap
  43. The Texas T-Bone
  44. The Utah Whitewash
  45. The Vermont Syrup Tap
  46.  The Virginia Vacuum Hose
  47. The Washington Monument
  48. The West Virginia Coal Miner
  49. The Wisconsin Whisky Sour
  50. The Wyoming Wall Spackle

PS: If any of these are in fact actual sex moves they’re more then likely illegal in the state that hosts it so attempt at your own risk.